Why High-Achieving Women Can't Stop Preparing for the Worst
- Kimberly Brooks
- Apr 1
- 6 min read
(And What to Do Instead)
By: Kim Brooks, well-being coach
Before the board meeting she prepares three versions of every answer.Â
One for if they're supportive.Â
One for if they're skeptical.Â
One for if they shut her input down entirely.
Her body has been in that room all week.
And when it's over, whether it went well or sideways, she's lying awake that night. Not replaying what she said… She's thinking about her people. How to be a buffer between the decision and the ones it will impact. How to make sure her team feels cared for when the outcome wasn't what she fought for. Feeling the particular anger of being put in a position she didn't choose and having to hold it steady for everyone else anyway.
That's not weakness. It's what leadership actually costs when you care deeply about the people you lead.
The woman who lies awake absorbing that cost has a body that never fully leaves work at work. She transitions from the board meeting to dinner to bedtime and her body hasn't registered that the workday is over. She's physically present in her life and simultaneously somewhere else, still in the meeting, still managing the aftermath, still protecting people who don't know she's doing it.
Most of the capable, committed women I work with have been doing this for years. Decades for many of them.
That's not weakness. That's what leadership actually costs when you care deeply about the people you lead."
What Becomes Possible When the Body Finally Catches Up
The woman on the other side of this work walks into that same board meeting differently.
She still prepares. She's still sharp, still strategic, still fighting for her people. But she's not in the room before she arrives. Her jaw isn't tight at breakfast. She's decided how she wants to feel when she walks in and she comes back to that when the conversation gets hard.
When it goes sideways, she feels it. She doesn't bypass it or pretend it didn't land. But it moves through her instead of setting up residence. She's not lying awake figuring out how to buffer the situation. She trusts herself to handle it in the morning, with a clear head, from a steadier place.
Her people feel the difference. Not because she's less committed, but because she's more present. The energy she brings into the room is open rather than armored and that changes what's possible in the meeting.
That's inner authority.
What Most People Get Wrong About Self-Trust
Most women believe self-trust is something to attain, a destination you reach and stay. They think that when they finally have it, the self-doubt will stop showing up. The wavering will end. They'll say yes when they mean yes and no when they mean no, always, without friction.
That's not how it works.
What trips most high-achieving women up is they're waiting for more experience, more knowledge, more proof before they trust themselves. But the proof doesn't come before the decision. It comes after.
You trust yourself, you take the action, and then the learning arrives. It doesn't come from accumulating enough certainty to finally move, but by moving and discovering what you're made of on the other side.
Self-trust is more like what Rumi describes in The Guest House, emotions arriving as visitors, some unwelcome, none of them permanent. Self-doubt will still show up at your door, especially when you do something new. Especially when you choose yourself in a way you haven't before.
The difference is what happens next, how quickly you return, and how familiar that returning starts to feel.
The Leap I Almost Talked Myself Out Of
A couple of years ago I left a job I genuinely loved. Not because anything was wrong, not because my boss was difficult or the work felt meaningless. My boss had encouraged me and everyone in her community to dream bigger, ask for more, and trust what I was building. She saw something in me before I fully saw it in myself.
So when I told her I was leaving to go all in on my own business, she understood.
The months before that conversation were full of journaling, sitting with the friction, feeling ready to go but wanting to see things through.
The questions that showed up were familiar ones:
Was I taking a leap too soon? Was I making a mistake? Was this irresponsible? Was I letting people down?
They showed up often. I let them in, looked at them, and then I made the decision.
Not because I had it all figured out. Because I had practiced returning to myself enough times that I could trust the answer that was already there, underneath the doubt, underneath the questions, underneath the noise.
That's what self-trust actually feels like. Not the absence of doubt, but the ability to come back to yourself when it shows up. Every decision you make from that place gives you more information for the next one. That's how trust gets built, not in one leap, but in the returning.
That's how trust gets built, not in one leap, but in the returning.
You Already Have the Answer
The women I work with are not starting from zero. They're accomplished, clear about their values, and deeply committed to the people they lead. What they're ready for isn't more knowledge or a better morning routine or another credential.
It's coming back to themselves quickly after the hard meeting. Walking into that room without their body activated from days spent anticipating the outcome. Trusting the answer that was already there before they went looking for it outside themselves.
That's the shift that changes everything else. It’s not a mindset adjustment, it’s a full-body return to the version of yourself that already knows.
That's the shift that changes everything else. It’s not a mindset adjustment, it’s a full-body return to the version of yourself that already knows.
The answer isn't another practice to add to your morning. It isn't a framework or a breathing technique.
It's a sustained conversation between you and your own body, one that happens over time, with support, in a container that's built for exactly this.
That's what Path to Freedom is.
If you recognize yourself in this and you're ready to lead from a place that already feels like solid ground, let's talk.
Book a Self-Leadership Activation Call
This is for the woman who recognizes herself in what she just read.
The one who walks into hard rooms already braced. Who lies awake thinking about her people. Who has done enough personal growth work to know something needs to shift and is ready to understand exactly what that is.
A Self-Leadership Activation Call is a complimentary one-hour conversation where we take a close look at the specific patterns running beneath the surface for you. What your body has been absorbing, where self-trust wavers, and what becomes possible when that shifts.
This is a real conversation that gives you clarity on where you are and what your next step actually looks like.
Kim Brooks is a somatic coach and former international educator who works with ambitious women in midlife, (leaders, educators, and career changers), who are ready to stop outsourcing their steadiness and start leading from within. Her 3-month 1:1 coaching program, Path to Freedom, blends breathwork, Reiki, somatic practices, and intuitive coaching to help women come home to their own inner authority.
If you're curious what it feels like to settle your body in five minutes, start with her free 5-minute Energy Reset practice at kimbrooksyoga-wellness.com/free-5-minute-energy-reset.
To learn more about working together or to book a Path to Freedom Clarity Call, visit kimbrooksyoga-wellness.com/pathtofreedom or email info@kimbrooksyoga-wellness.com
Did any of these words land somewhere in your body? I'd love to hear what resonated or what it stirred up. Drop a reflection in the comments or send me an email.
✨ Know a leader, caregiver, educator, or wellness practitioner who's been carrying more than her share? Share this with her. Sometimes the right words at the right moment are exactly what the body needed to hear.
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