Why You Can Know Everything About Nervous System Regulation and Still Not Be Able to Rest

A personal story about the gap between knowing what your body needs and actually letting yourself receive it, and what it takes to close that gap for good.

Written By Kim Brooks

For my last year of teaching, I sat in my car every morning before walking into the building.

A few minutes of meditation. Slow, deliberate breathing. I timed it so I'd walk in at exactly 8am, not a second early. I was doing everything I knew how to do to feel steady before the day asked something of me.

And I wish I could tell you that I walked in every day feeling grounded and clear.

Most days I did. But in reality, there were many days I'd then walk past the copier to get to my office and people had already been looking for me. I'd pass three people who'd say, "did "J–" find you" or "can you do x,y,z. "

Occasionally, I'd make it all the way to my office before someone was asking me for something. 

I'd quickly solve what needed solving and then get started on what was actually on my list for the day.

I typically stayed at work late after everyone left, preparing for my groups and meetings, knowing that wouldn't happen before the students arrived.

I'd run from one thing to the next all day, then somewhere around 2pm I'd realize I hadn't touched my water bottle and I'd forgotten to finish my lunch. Again. 

I'd periodically sneak to the bathroom to pause and do EFT tapping, releasing the stress of the day, so I could get another burst of energy.

I knew a lot about mindfulness and regulation. I was teaching some of it to my students and yet I’d still lose track of time. I would come out of my zone and instantly go from not hungry to starving. I was the poster child for hangry.

What I didn't realize was that my body was running a survival pattern, the same one that kept me productive and achieving my entire life. It kept me solving the next problem in the hallway, kept me prepping for tomorrow's groups instead of walking out the door on time, kept me reaching for a granola bar in a drawer instead of actually sitting down to eat. It kept me seen as a really good teacher, reading specialist, and literacy coach. Always putting out fires and always there when you needed me.

It wasn’t that I didn’t know what to do. I had worked with a therapist, a somatic coach, taken a mindfulness training, attended silent meditation day retreats, did yoga many days before work (that’s the short list). I knew exactly what I needed. My body just didn't know when it was allowed to stop and receive it. 

That's what happens when your body spends years learning that taking a break isn't safe. 

When Your Nervous System Learns Stopping Isn't Safe 

It keeps scanning. It keeps moving. It puts everything else, including your own hunger, on hold until the threat passes. Except the threat never fully passes. There's always another email. Another person needing something. Another list.

If you've ever paused for even ten seconds, hands on your heart, feet on the floor, and actually felt something rather than just knowing about it, you already understand what I mean. That small window, where sensation arrives before thought catches up, is the beginning of a completely different relationship with yourself.

The more we learn how to listen and communicate with our body, the less overfunctioning and safeguarding it needs to do.

When we work with our body to shift these automatic patterns, we can begin to settle more easily and readily. It doesn't become something we add to our to-do list. It becomes how we live our life.

If you want to try this, here's a place to start:

Pick one moment that already happens in your day, every time you sit down at your desk, every time you refill your water bottle, and ask your body one question. What do I need right now? 

Just let the questi

on land somewhere in your body. Be present and listen. Maybe you get a sudden pang of hunger or realize you need to stretch or go to the bathroom. And maybe you don't notice anything. That's okay. Just keep showing up for yourself and asking the question anyway.

If this is a pattern you recognize in yourself, the gap between knowing what you need and actually letting yourself receive it, I'd love to talk with you about what it might look like to close that gap for good.

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ABOUT KIM

Kim Brooks is a Self-Leadership coach, Karuna Reiki Master, yoga teacher, and the creator of the Self-Leadership Method.

After 18 years as an elementary educator, Kim experienced firsthand what happens when years of high-functioning capability come at a cost the body eventually cannot ignore. She spent years managing Fibromyalgia and chronic pain while appearing calm and capable to everyone around her.

She knew what she needed and had spent years learning about stress management, emotional regulation, and mindfulness to use for herself and her students. Knowing and accessing are two completely different things.

Through her training in nervous system work, somatic practices, Reiki, yoga, meditation and breathwork, Kim discovered what it takes to shift the pattern at the level where it actually lives, in the body, not just the mind.

Learn more about Kim Brooks Wellness, LLC: https://www.kimbrooksyoga-wellness.com/about

Questions? Reach out at info@kimbrooksyoga-wellness.com or send a DM.